Split personality : Bagus atau tidak?

Hari ni rasa nak blog, tp nak blog pasal mende lain. Something to do with our personality, attitude, perangai, identity. Terdetik nak menaip ni when I read a blogger’s entry pasal kesungguhan dia utk bagitau kat sume org yg dia tidak sombong. Hehe u guys know kut sape, femes blogger. I feel her, I know it’s hard to justify to people these kinda things when riak muka kita secara luaran is showing the opposite thing. Also, another thing yg buat terdetik nak tulis entry ni pun is how I notice I change from one metaphormosis to the other dlm jangka masa yg pendek sampai pada satu tahap mcm I dun really know which is the real me.

Dulu, kalo bole pape yg tak puas hati nak je mengamuk, nak je mengutuk, memaki hamun, release anger carik mangsa utk lepaskan outburst tu. Mangsa terdekat slaluenya Fara. Sian dia. Tapi skang ni, sume I prefer to keep it to myself. Sume I prefer to sedapkan hati dulu mcm “takpela..biarkan la dorang camni, camtu” pastu I’ll do my own thing. Kiranya kalo org yg dah biasa tgk aku ngamuk, tetiba jadi tenang nak mampus pun akan jadi pelik kan..pehal? Sian gak kat dia, rasa mcm aku ni cam tembok la plak xleh nak melayan kerenah dia bila dia dok pokpek sakan release tension. Ntah. Nape tah. Dengan husband sendiri pun I said to him I don’t quite prefer to hear negative elements or stories dah about sipolan ni ke sipolan tu ke, ntah rasa cam badan ni xleh terima. Pehal tah..sedangkan aku ni bukannya baik beno.

Kengkadang rimas gak dgn masalah SPLIT IDENTITY ni. Kita beriye-iye nak point out to people yg kita ni bukanla pendiam sgt, bukanla pemalu sangat bole je dibwk huha huha, bole je diajak bersembang tapi sometimes dah terus dilabel dingin, pendiam, u guys dunno what to talk with me. Belum pape lagi dah dilabel camtu, terpaksa la kita menerima kenyataan. Sometimes I try to blend in, try gak la bukak conversation jap dgn mereka ini tp akhirnya it lasts for about 5 minutes je. Pastu tade modal nak ckp dah. I have this problem with my in-laws. Susah sangat. Sometimes, wrong timing plak tu. Time kita prefer utk mendiamkan diri, be the spectator je of what’s happening around the house disuruhnya kita berhuha plak, berborak sakan plak when you don’t really feel like it. Susah kan. Nak be ourself pun susah, nak be pretentious pun susah. Last² I end up being who I am. Take it or leave it. Nasib ada biras yg memahami, yg sentiasa bole dibawak bersembang di sms ke di alam nyata ke, mmg ada je mende yg bole dibwk bersembang. Pape kemusykilan ditanya pada beliau, luahan hati pun pernah. Sometimes kesian gak kat dia, dia menjadi org tengah utk bercakap kepada in laws supaya jgn terlampau label sgt kat diriku ini..each other must give opportunity to each other to learn about ourselves. Tapi tu la, titik persamaan tu tak jumpa lagi. Susah. Kengkadang rasa sungguh ketinggalan. Dorang sume dah ada anak, bole berbicara pasal anak. Aku ni tade lagi, masih on the way..kita dgr je la dorang borak. Yg slalue diterima komen tak abeh² pasal perut ku saje. Ku sabarkan jua..ku slalue bercakap pada diri sendiri, takpe nobody is perfect. Everything is a learning process, u can’t expect things to go smoothly from the word GO. Betul tak? Just continue to smile, jgn amik hati dgn apa yg terjadi.

Cuma bila dekat ofis ni, aku plak jadi muka tatau malu. Kat cni memasing mcm hidup dgn clique sket. Kalo mak budak prefer to hang out dgn mak budak je. Gitu la. Kalo tade lunch partner, nasib ko la. Cuba duduk static kat meja ko masa lunch hour, tade org yg akan ajak ko lunch skali dgn dorang punya. Gitu la environment di sini. Sometimes when my lunch partner tade, kena la jadi muka tembok sket mempelawa diri nak join org lain. Tak pun, it’s the other way round. Aku jadi kesian tgk bebudak baru yg baru masuk, muka blur² tade kawan, aku yg akan ajak dorang join skali. At least they dun feel left out coz I really know how it feels to be left out. Huhu. At least kita pelawa kan..betul tak?

Contohnya ada sorang akak kat ofis ni mmg pendiam yg amat. Dah kenal dia selama 2 tahun pun kalo kuar lunch dgn dia mmg 98% of the time, kita yg kena berckp, kita yg kena kuarkan topic, dia hanya menjadi pendengar. Tapi ada jugak 2% of the time it’s the other way round. So, xleh la nak terus ckp akak tu pelik ke, boring ke pendiam sgt ke. Give her a chance walaupun memerlukan kesabaran yg amat tinggi🙂 Jangan hingaq sangat, jgn loqlaq sangat, jangan dramatic sangat. Huhu.

Now, whenever I’m at the office or in the virtual world, I prefer to do things to forget about my own dilemma, my own problems tapi bila memasing dok sogok gak dilemma memasing, masalah memasing kat batang hidung aku ni..aku naik rimas. Mcm masalah ko ni bukannya besar sgt pun….(reminder to myself too)

Kesimpulannya, jangan la terlampau suka sangat melabel org as A, B atau C. Kenal dulu mereka ini semua, baru la u judge them. Tak pun senang cite, be neutral je. Terima je perangai org itu seadanya coz u’ll never know ntah² ada je perangai kita yg tersembunyi yg membuatkan org rimas or tak suka terhadap kita.

*peace*

(Image source from Google)

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ~Reena~
    Feb 18, 2010 @ 16:04:18

    Hehehe. Agree. Aku dulu suka gak judge certain people. Tapi bila aku dah kenal depa, wahhh rupanya bukan seperti yang kusangka. Lesson learnt.

    Kalau orang nak judge aku, go ahead. Ada aku kesah? Yang aku tau, just being myself. That’s why aku tak kisah nak maki ke apa ke openly kat reality, blog, facebook or Twitter.

    Reply

  2. ~Reena~
    Feb 18, 2010 @ 16:15:22

    Nak tambah skit. Aku rasa semua orang ada split personality. It depends on situation, time, people around us.

    Reply

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